Get Back Here, Dobe!
by Teh Pocky Ninja
Summary: One part sappy drama. One part fluff. One part pure, unbridled silliness. Fulfills all your shipping needs, conveniently rolled into a threeshot. SasXSak, about as far from serious as you can get. Enjoy, mes amies.
1. Part One: Drama Queens!

**Get Back Here, Dobe! Part One: Drama!**

* * *

_"Sasuke-kun…is that really you?"_

_Her voice held no fear, only surprise and wonder. Hopeful, praying that it wasn't all just another dream._

_He said nothing, only studied her as he stood, knees bent as he crouched on her windowsill._

_She sat upright in her bed, her tiny hands gripping her sheets in front of her like a child would. He felt his heart soften as their gazes met. Her wide, emerald eyes sparkled hopefully, filled with happiness. It helped erase the image of those eyes spilling out tears the night he had left._

_His gaze traveled over the rest of her, taking in her still-cropped-short hair. So she has promised herself she'd get stronger. For his sake. It meant she still cared about him._

_"…Sasuke…kun?"_

_She could only whisper his name in awe. The Sasuke she remembered had been exceptional, but had never possessed this incarnation's inhuman grace. This Sasuke's smooth movements held almost feline elegance, the way he stepped lightly down from her window almost made her shiver._

_"Sakura…"_

_She did shiver this time, hearing her name in that deep, tenor voice. There was no way this could be anything but a dream, it was too…_

_"…I…"_

_Her eyes were glued to his obsidian orbs as they remained fixed on anything but her._

_"…Are you…back?"_

_"…Yes."_

_Through the dreamy, hazy quality of the scenario, Sakura's heart went into ecstatic flutters of pure joy._

_"You…you came back?"_

_He nodded, his raven hair falling over his eyes._

_"The ones I left for…are gone."_

_"Oh, Sasuke-kun…"_

_In the space of a single blink, he was suddenly standing in front of her, without her even seeing him move._

_"I've come home, Sakura."_

_He showed no emotion when she lowered her head, but raised an eyebrow when a soft hiccup came form her._

_"You're back…you're back! Oh god, Sasuke-kun, you're back!"_

_Her mind nearly burned out with glee as she nearly tumbled onto him, her arms wrapped around him telling her he was perfectly solid, not another misty illusion plaguing her dreams._

_"Thank you, thank you…" she whispered, hugging him as if letting go meant he'd disappear again. "I missed you so much, Sasuke-kun…"_

_"…You too."_

_She didn't even realize he was hugging back until her eyes opened again, tears still rolling down her cheeks, though her grin couldn't possibly be wider._

_"Sakura…have I made you…happy?"_

_She glanced up at him in mild surprise, wondering why he cared about her feelings all of a sudden._

_Her gaze told her his eyes were different. Still the same black, but…softer. Maybe he had finally learned…_

_"Yes, yes you have…" she replied, smiling happily. "So happy…"_

_"Sakura…" she heard him whisper, his breath warm on her forehead. "There's something…I have…no, I need to tell you…"_

* * *

Ok...that's it for drama. Next comes the fluff.


	2. Part Two: Fluff Time!

**Get Back Here, Dobe! Part Two: Fluff!**

* * *

Her eyes fluttered open slowly as she yawned, the morning's bright sunlight managing to seep through her closed blinds. She stretched momentarily before curling back up into a warm ball, hugging her bed sheets around her to keep in the sweet-smelling warmth.

Sleepily, she realized her face was pressed against something firmer than her usual pillow. Something that wafted a heavenly scent around her, lulling her back to a state of hazy consciousness, barely awake at all.

Something silky-soft tickled her cheek as small, warm spurts of air drifted over her forehead in a slow, rhythmic pattern. Almost like breathing…

Her emerald eyes, dulled by sleep, opened slowly as she glanced upwards, not really paying attention to anything at all.

She smiled hazily, realizing she was still asleep, and having the most wonderful dream. In it, her beloved Sasuke had returned to her in the night. He had told her he loved her, that he never meant to leave her and had been forced to go to save her life, and they had fallen asleep in each other's comforting arms. And now here he was. It was morning, and he was still sound asleep next to her.

Her hand gently brushed a few strands of raven-colored hair out of his eyes as he slept peacefully. His porcelain face held no sign of his usual scowl at all. Instead, he almost seemed to be smiling as he breathed deeply in his sleep, a tinge of pink visible on his pale cheeks.

She snuggled closer against his bare chest, discerning his white shirt was wrapped around the two along with her blankets. His powerful arms, still clad in their black guards, were curled tightly around her tiny frame, holding her against himself in somewhat of a possessive embrace. She loved this new side of him, even if he was only asleep.

_Sasuke-kun…_ she thought, not wanting to spoil this perfect moment with spoken words. _I love you…so much…thank you for coming back to me…_

Something inaudible came from him as he shifted, she realized he was waking up. When his ink-colored eyes opened slowly and focused on her face, she could've cried in sheer bliss when he spoke to her.

"S…Sakura…?" he murmured, examining her with drowsy confusion.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

"Where…am I…?" she heard him mumble as his tight hug loosened a little.

The way his dark eyes widened in shock when he realized she was wrapped in his shirt nearly made her fall over in a fit of giggles, only spurred on when he bolted upright and threw back the blankets, exhaling in relief to find neither of them had slept unclothed.

"Don't scare me like that," he half-ordered, though she could see he couldn't possibly stay mad at her giggling smile.

He said nothing when she crawled over the discarded sheets and hugged him, her face pressed against his neck.

"Sasuke-kun…" she pleaded softly, "don't go just yet. If…only for a little while, just wait a little longer…please."

She blushed in surprise when he pulled her onto his lap, his lips just brushing against the top of her forehead.

"I'm here to stay."

He smiled at her gasp of delight as she threw her arms around his neck and kissed his nose. "Thank you…thank you so much, Sasuke-kun!"

"I meant what I said…" he murmured, holding her in that possessive fashion again. "…Last night. I promised I wouldn't leave you…and I meant it."

She blushed a little more, remembering some of the other things he had said as well the previous night.

"Now what?" he asked, looking at her with the trust she would know what to do.

"Oh, that's right," she exclaimed, wriggling off of his lap and stretching, her hands reaching for the ceiling for just a second before glancing back at her "charge," whose eyes immediately averted from staring at her figure though his blush completely gave him away.

"Well, I'm going to have to file a report for Tsunade about your coming back…and then there's going to be the hearing…" she continued, trotting over to her unorganized bookshelf and grabbing papers off of the shelves seemingly at random. "…And then you'll most likely be on probation for a while…you can live here with me if you want, but we're probably going to have to convince everyone we're not dating first…"

"Oh," he interjected, smirking. "You mean we're not?"

He chuckled at her bright crimson blush before she pushed him to his feet in the direction of the door.

"Out of here, you," she grunted, succeeding in steering him out into the hallway. "Unless you're a perv who looks at girls while they're changing."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

_Slam._

"Love you too!"

He smirked, knowing she was probably bright red in the face from that remark. Sometimes she was just too easy to play with.

_Now…_ he thought to himself. _To raid the fridge for tomatoes._

_

* * *

__Brrrringggg…brrringgggg…_

_Crackle-crackle…_

"Unhhh…'Ello? (hic)"

"Tsunade-shishou? Are you drunk again?"

"Mrrf…get to the point, Sakura…"

"Well, uh…you see…"

"Spit it out, I'm not in the mood for anxiety."

"I have S-ranked criminal missing-nin Uchiha Sasuke asleep on my couch. What should I do?"

"Sakura, this is no time for your jokes!"

"I'm not joking, shishou. You want to listen to him?"

"No, I don't-"

"Say hello, Sasuke-kun…"

"Nhh…g'way…hnshh…"

Tsunade immediately woke up, her eyes widening in surprise as she scooted her chair up to her desk.

"Oh my god…it…it's really him…I'd recognize that voice anywhere…Sakura, I need you to remain calm-"

"Shishou, I'm a big girl, I can take care of a kitten like him. He's been remarkably well-behaved in the few minutes he was awake…but I think he'd be mad if he knew I called you, so I waited 'till he fell asleep."

"Oh. Uh, well, good call, Sakura. We'll have an ANBU squad over there in-"

"Shishou! I can handle him, you know I can!"

"As your Hokage, I can't take risks like that, Sakura, you know-"

"Shi-_shou_…"

Tsunade groaned.

"If _anything_ at all happens to you, you're not getting _any_ missions above C level for three months, do you understand me, young lady?"

"Yes, _mom._ Oh shoot, he's waking up. See ya!"

Tsunade's face turned a faint shade of red to hear her pupil shout something in the background about "Put a shirt on, you're not going out half-naked," before hanging up.

"Sakura…I hope you know what you're getting into…"

* * *

Ok...fluff outta the way. Now for lolz!


	3. Part Three: Lolz!

**Get Back Here, Dobe! Part Three: Pure Lolz**

* * *

_That lazy fool was right. Cloud-watching IS nice._

Naruto smiled, his eyes closed as he lay in the grass adorning a hillside just outside one of the less-used training grounds. There was practically nobody at all around, meaning the air was peaceful and silent instead of filled with the sounds of battle and shouting.

_I could get used to this…the sun feels so nice…_

And Naruto had the whole field to himself, nobody around to ruin-

"NARUTO-NICHAAAAAAAAAN!"

Konohamaru almost fell over laughing, the half-asleep blonde had jumped a good five and a half feet in the air, screaming little a little girl.

"Konohamaru!" complained Naruto, rubbing the spot on his head he had landed on at a painful angle. "What is it, can't you see I'm very busy…Konohamaru?"

He sighed at the rookie Genin rolling on the grass in fits of laughter.

"You…you screamed…hahaha…you looked so stupid!"

"Shut up, brat. Now what do you have to bug me about NOW?"

The blonde was quite surprised when the boy clambered to his feet with a wide grin.

"Naruto-niichan, Sakura sent me to come find you, she was so happy, she was on her way to go see-"

"Whoa, whoa. Slow down, kid. What's your point?"

Konohamaru's eyes practically lit up.

"He's back, Naruto-niichan!"

"Who? Kakashi from that mission?"

"No, you nimrod! It's Sasuke! Sasuke's back!"

"WHAT THE F-?!"

* * *

"No."

"Sasuke-kun, you _have_ to! Otherwise you'll get swept up by some roving ANBU, and I can't do a thing to stop them!"

"I'll see them coming."

"Sasu-_ku-u-un…_"

He sighed, closing his eyes in an attempt to block out the pink-haired kunoichi's adorable puppy-eyes and pleading whine.

"If you put them on…I'll keep Naruto from killing you the first ten seconds you two are reunited."

Sasuke scoffed. "The dobe?"

"He's been working really hard, he might be able to take you…" Sakura mumbled, turning away so he wouldn't see the devious glitter in her eyes.

"No, he'll always be the dobe."

"You might LOSE, god-forbid."

"I might no-"

_Click._

"There we go! See? That wasn't so bad!"

Sasuke only glared as Sakura clapped her hands in triumph, her distraction a success.

"Take them off."

"No can do."

She blinked in surprise when his top-security-shackled hands were thrust in front of her nose.

"Take. Them. Off."

"I can't! Only Tsunade can break you outta those babies."

She nearly busted a gut trying not to laugh as he glared, and began his silent Uchiha-sulk.

"Come on, it's only for a little bit…" she cooed. "Your wounded pride won't suffer _that_ much from being forced to walk handcuffed through Konoha, now will it?"

"I hate you sometimes."

"I love you too, now let's go! We're going to be late!"

* * *

"NEJIIIIIII!"

The Hyuga nearly choked on his tea, spewing most of it out as a screeching Naruto practically barreled into him.

"What is it?" he demanded angrily, noticing Naruto's sense of extreme urgency.

"K-Konohamaru-told me-Teme-was-back-tell-me-is-he-I-asked-everyone-else-and-they-said-!"

Neji sighed in exasperation. "The Uchiha's been back for several hours. Last I saw of him he was being led by that Sakura girl to Tsunade-sama's offices. Quite an accomplishment, getting him all the way there in manacles."

"SHE _WHAT_?!"

* * *

"…And then Naruto and Hinata started going out, but Lee never did get over his crush on me, but he _has_ been taking it easy lately, what with coming back from that mission in the Land of Lightning a few months ago…"

At any other time in his life, Sasuke wouldn't have completely hated having to make this forced march.

At Academy age, he would've just trotted along while Sakura would skip ahead, pointing to every little thing that caught her attention.

As a Genin, she would twiddle her fingers and blush, keeping in step behind him as he trudged along, his hand shoved deep in his pockets.

But _now_?

"…With Shikamaru, and ever since they've gotten along great, without…"

Chained up in freaking _gigantic_ handcuffs. Forced to walk behind a babbling Sakura telling him about _every single guy_ who'd asked her out in the past month (his jealousy meter was fit to burst, though he'd never say a word, just simmer quietly). And the worst part of it was, she jerked him along on the steel rope attached to the shackles like some kind of _farm animal_.

Oh, the shame. Oh, the people staring and the little children pointing. Oh, the inhumane treatment of his wounded ego.

And she was just going on, not a care in the world, as if he hadn't spent the past three and a half years hundreds of miles away in a damp, dark, underground CRYPT where the only real danger to its inhabitants was tripping over soggy snake-skins because God forbid he-who-likes-little-boys might clean up after himself once in a while. Really, all Sennin act like complete slobs.

"Well, here we are. See? That wasn't too awful now, was it?"

"I hate you so much right now."

"Ah, you'll get over it," she grinned, yanking him hands-first through the (possibly) most evil doorway on the face of the earth.

Oh, the shame.

* * *

"TEMEEEEEEE!"

The citizens of Konoha, used to Naruto's random shouts and screams, ignored him as he barreled down the cobbled streets at several hundred miles per hour.

"I'm gonna kill that worthless…TEMEEEE!"

* * *

"…And do you have _any_ idea how many measures we took to get you to come back in the first place, I mean, I had to put up with your teammates whining about-"

"Your point?"

Tsunade glared as Sakura giggled, amused by her "captive" stopping the surprisingly sober Hokage in the middle of a rant.

"You're lucky you came back alive and with enough credit from ridding the world of two dangerous ninja, you brat. Otherwise I'd have you hung, drawn and quartered the moment you walked in here."

Both younger shinobi suppressed amusement at Tsunade's increasingly ridiculous rant.

"Unfortunately, the worst I can g-"

"TEMEEEEEEE!"

All three were startled as the doors to the Hokage office practically exploded open, the two ninja closest to the door only managing to sidestep just in time as a blond and orange blur's momentum took him straight into the front of the Hokage's desk.

"Naruto, what on earth do you think you're doing?!" shouted Tsunade, glaring angrily at the teenager whimpering about the jumbo-sized lump on his head from crashing headfirst into her desk.

"Baa-chan, I came to see if…"

Sapphire met obsidian.

"WHY YOU WORTHLESS TEME, I OUGHTA-!"

Naruto stopped talking, his eyes glued to the indeed-unreasonably-large handcuffs adorning his best friend's wrists. His line of vision slowly followed the rope tied to them, until he realized exactly _who_ had the great Sasuke Uchiha _on a leash_.

"Heh…hee-hee-hee-ha-ha-ha-hee-ha!" he started giggling.

"Shut. Up."

"Whoa, teme! Not even back one whole day and she's got you already?"

"I'm warning you, dobe…"

"What'cha gonna do? Glare me to death? Oh my god, you're her _manslave!_"

Sakura kept a firm grip on her "leash" as Naruto rolled on the floor, howling with laughter. She glanced at Tsunade, and smiled at the Hokage's smirking nod.

"Oh man, the guys are going to love this! Wait 'till they hear about yo-"

_Click._

The laughter stopped. Every drop of blood drained from Naruto's face as he watched his former teammate rub his wrists where the chains had chafed his skin, glaring pure death at him.

"Oh, sh-"

"DOBE!"

"GAAAAAAAAAH!"

Sakura and Tsunade burst out laughing as Naruto vanished, Sasuke soon after. Probably to chase each other all over Konoha just the way they used to, death threats and all.

"Oh, shishou…" said Sakura after managing to contain her giggles. "I missed those two trying to kill each other, I really did."

"I know, I know. Well, your boyfriend's back home, so you can stop moping around the hospital."

"Shishou, I don't _mope_! Oh my gosh, shishou! What about Sasuke? He'll get attacked by any shinobi who recognizes him! Shihsou?! We've got to do something!"

Tsunade waved a hand to silence her hyperventilating student.

"Relax, relax. I sent out an order about him, he'll be left alone."

"But shishou…when did you do have time to do that? I brought him in only a few minutes after I called you…"

Sakura grew uneasy at her teacher's evil smirk.

"Well you see, my dear pupil…those fools at the gate aren't complete idiots. And listening to him snore was pretty fun."

Tsunade barely held back her snort of laughter as her student's face paled almost exactly like Naruto's had done.

"Shishou…you mean…you…and he…and…"

"Yeah, I did. But some _on_, seeing you two snuggled up together like that was just too adorable! Now get going, you've got to kept those two from splattering each other. _Dis_-missed."

_Sometimes…I just love my job._

* * *

THE END, 'TEBAYO! Hope you liked! Had fun writing it :)


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